Programmer terminology - what they say vs what they mean
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED: We are still pissing in the wind.
2. AN EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM: We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION: We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH: It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTIONIS DELIVERED ASSURED: We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED: The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT: Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL: Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING: We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION: I can't wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS: Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. ALL NEW: Code not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: It finally worked!
17. LOW MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix if broken. What if there were no hypothetical situations?
And this is just
Kids - gotta love them!
My three year old son had a problem with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch inbetween errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realised that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." The I said, "Matt, are you sure you didn't have an accident?"
Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheaks and yelled..... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.
I was mortified! Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they ever had!
Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did."