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 Post subject: Jokes Thread
PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2012 8:01 am 
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RichBitch
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I haven't seen anything like this elsewhere on the forum (hope I haven't missed something) and thought it would be a nice idea to post some funny original jokes you have heard lately or links to good comedy clips / song spoofs / satires etc etc

This was emailed to me many years ago and again recently and I cried real tears laughing at it each time. My stomach hurt and I had to fix my makeup afterwards so I have shared the hilarious story of the "Inexperienced curry taster" with you...

http://humour.200ok.com.au/curry_taster.html

Anyone who has ever tasted a real Durban curry will know what this guy is talking about. The Durbanites do not mess around with their curries :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire: :fire:

Enjoy

PG for language

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 1:28 pm 
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Richard Fan
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There was a cat and a dog they looked each other and says this
Dod: You're a pussy
Cat: You're a bitch

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 6:26 am 
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RichBitch
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Not sure if it is the right place for this but I LOVE this 21st birthday cake :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2012 1:00 pm 
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SchneiderSexual
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There's a bit of truth in there, as well. I think it's hilarious all the same. :rolling:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:15 am 
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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high, and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the sales lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

Okay it was kinda lame but I laughed :D :D

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 7:27 am 
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^ :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: I did as well :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:10 pm 
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Awwww...that was so cute!! :rolling: :rolling:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2012 7:17 pm 
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@Andrea: That's funny. I like. :rolling:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 1:16 am 
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Blonde jokes :blonde:


A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.’
‘Wow, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it!’ So she Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he asked?
‘Why, that’s a thermos….. It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold,’ she replied..
Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’
The blond replied……’Two popsicles and some coffee.’


A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, ‘What’s the matter?’
The blonde replies, ‘Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.’
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, ‘Why don’t you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.’
‘Thanks, but I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.’
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically…
‘What’s so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?’ he asks.
‘No!’ exclaims the blonde. ‘I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!’


And a non-blonde joke:


One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.

The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by “Lucille.” He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.

“She don’t never leave no number, so I can’t call her back,” he said.

After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn’t leave a number.

“She leaves her name,” was the reply.

After establishing that the customer had a numericonly pager, the light bulb came on.

“How does she spell her name?” the service rep asked.

“L-O-W C-E-L-L”

Another problem solved.


(All from laughtodeath.com)

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 12:55 pm 
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I kinda liked this...

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 2:26 pm 
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^ Pahahahahaahahahahaaaaa! :rolling: :rolling:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2012 6:13 pm 
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A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor." "Don't do that, said his friend. There's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10.00 and the computer will diagnose your problem and plan a treatment." The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of his urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited $10.00. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out which said the following: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks. That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory, he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took his concoction down to the drug store, poured it into the machine and deposited $10.00 The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before and printed these results: Your tap water has lead.............Get a filter. Your dog has worms................Get him to a vet. Your daughter is on drugs............Get her in rehab. Your wife is pregnant, It's not yours.....Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 12:56 pm 
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:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: Great jokes all! :hug:

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 3:11 am 
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Great jokes everyone! :rolling:

I heard this a while ago and I'm not sure if it's based on a true story or just made up.

A tech support agent of a computer company gets a call from an elderly gentleman customer, named Walter, who is hard of hearing. Walter tells the agent what problems he's having and the agent starts giving him instructions on what he needs to do.

Things are going well and after making sure that Walter's computer is connected the wall, that he's turned it on and all the other basic things that the tech agent knows from experience could be "wrong" with the computer, he finally says to Walter...

"Walter, I need you to hit the letter 'P' on your keyboard for me, please" to which poor, nearly-deaf Walter replies, "HUH?!! What did you say, son?! I couldn't hear you."

The agent repeats it a couple of more times, at Walter's request, but it seems like Walter's ears have given up on him, even though by the third time, the agent is speaking loudly enough for all his colleagues and THEIR callers to hear.

Finally in an act of desperation, the agent yells almost at the top of his lungs....."P!! Walter! P!!....P on the keyboard!!!"

Suddenly the line gets quiet followed by an indignant gasp from Walter who says, "I most certainly will NOT do that, young man. I am appalled and you are no help at all!!! GOOD-BYE!"

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 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:20 am 
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:rolling: :rolling: :rolling: :rolling: This could be true :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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